Halloween Scaries
This month Halloween will come rushing in with costumes and candy crashes, classroom parties and parades, haunted houses and spooky decorations. As fun as this season can be, there are things about Halloween that feel scary (not in the fun way!) when you have a grieving child – for all of October, we are surrounded by death imagery. When you are caring for a child who has recently experienced a death or is gaining a new understanding of a death that happened years ago, it feels like you are bombarded with images that trigger thoughts of death and dying as Halloween approaches...Ghosts. Skeletons. Tombstones. Ghosts and skeletons popping out of tombstones. Zombies. Mummies. Mummies walking around like Zombies. Costumes with blood and gore. Costumes with weapons. It can feel relentless. At A Haven, caregivers have shared the questions they ask themselves around Halloween:
Are my kids noticing what I'm noticing about the costumes and decorations?
Is this imagery upsetting to them?
Are they making connections between what they’re seeing and our person who died?
Will I make them upset if I ask them about it?
What if they see something that upsets them during the school day and I’m not there to help?
We hear you and are with you as you navigate Halloween. We also know that this is a time of year that can still feel FUN for your children and for you. Here are some things to keep in mind as you prepare for this month’s festivities.
Your openness is the most important – make sure your kids and teens know that you’re with them no matter what comes up. Whether the Halloween imagery triggers their grief, or they’re filled with excitement about celebrating, you’re judgement free and along for the ride.
Lean into OTHER Halloween fun – there's a lot of things that make Halloween fun and special that don’t revolve around death imagery. Pumpkins! Candy! Trick or Treating! Elaborate and trendy costumes! (...did we mention candy??)
Rely on your group – creating a group costume, making plans to trick-or-treat together, or attending that neighborhood Halloween party as a group can help infuse extra joy and fun into the day. Knowing that you (and your kids) won’t be alone to face what feels scary or unknown can be a comfort. (Even better if someone in your circle is aware that you’re feeling some apprehension that your grief might be triggered.)
Preparation is key – if your kids are old enough to talk about it, ask them how it feels to see things like ghosts and tombstones at this time of year. Work together to create a plan for handling the feelings that come up if their grief is triggered. Children who are too young to process verbally may seem clingy or in need of extra physical closeness or comfort – that is normal and okay! Though young children may not verbalize to you, make sure that you are still using clear language to tell them that any scary things they are seeing are not real, they are just decorations or costumes for the holiday. If you can, partner with your child’s teacher or school counselor to ensure that your child will have support navigating Halloween at school.
Need additional support? Know that A Haven is here – reach out to info@ahaven.org to connect.