“I couldn't believe the amount of women that I knew that came forward and felt comfortable sharing their miscarriage story with me afterwards. We need to talk about it more openly and be mindful of recognizing and supporting others that have lost a baby they never could hold no matter how far along they were in their pregnancy.”
“I was actually pretty open about it. I told my family, close friends, and immediate boss (out of need). I lost the baby of my first pregnancy at around the 8-week mark. I've actually found that there are so many women who have had pregnancy loss, as well. It's helped me to connect with other women in similar circumstances. I'm especially empathetic toward women who also miscarried in their first pregnancy. When you miscarry your first baby, you're left wondering if you will be able to get pregnant again, carry a baby to term, etc. It's helped make me more compassionate.”
"I had good family support... I had women and friends in my life that knew about the miscarriage and helped to love me through it."
“After losing Sage I did not talk about for years. After losing Presley I was determined to talk about both my babies and try to get rid of the hush hush stigma surrounding miscarriage. I still talk about both children and blog about them.”
“I was pretty open with our infertility and pregnancy loss journey. I could not be silent. However, in many ways people did not understand our grief and would think that we were "over it" when it was still very raw to us.”
“I talked about the losses after our second with friends. I read books about the topic and wrote in a journal. I cried. A lot.”
HONORING THE BABY
“A really close friend of mine had lost a baby earlier that year at 22 weeks. She bought and gave me a journal and I wrote to my little one every day for several months. I didn't realize at the time how much journaling was helping me grieve.”
“Every year at the fair I pay $1 for the little baby feet pin at the Birthright/Prolife booth at the fair. I also have a baby box and saved everything about the baby from sympathy cards, to my hospital bracelet from my D&C, to copies of my ob records and my journal. I don't think I'll ever stop grieving this loss but I feel others have forgotten my little one.”
“It depends on the year. My oldest child would be turning 11 this November. On that day, I usually don't cry anymore, because for me my grief is overshadowed by the joy of where God has taken me. At one point I wanted to have a plaque in my garden in my children's memory, but I didn't end up doing that because later it wasn't something I wanted anymore. For me I remember all of my children at different times throughout the year, but my oldest due date stands out to me the most because he was my first. So, I remember my children by being vocal on social media about pregnancy and infant loss, infertility and adoption. Because no one should suffer alone. And I make a point to encourage people struggling in silence to tell just one person. For me remembering is making sure others can remember and find strength to not feel they have to struggle silently.”
"It’s been almost 13 years. I don’t think a ton about it, and have always trusted that I will get to meet my precious child in heaven one day...because of my specific journey, and the fact that another 2 years of infertility turned into me adopting my son…I also realize that had I given birth I would not have ended up adopting my son."
“I have a necklace that I had made to remember. I have a birthstone for the month of each baby's due date. I also now have a son and a daughter and have added their birthstones as well.”
"I have paintings in my house that symbolize my two gone too soon as well as a bracelet my husband got me. I blog about them to remember them and never let their legacy die."
A MOTHER’S CONNECTION
“My husband did not feel the same connection but he needed time to grieve also. His work was so kind and gave him 3 days off under their rules for a death in the family. Funny thing is I think that his work was one of the only people that considered our loss a death. It made me feel so cheated as the loss is only handled by the medical profession and the state as a death past like 20 weeks. My husband doesn't speak of it now at all. If I could do it over I would have been more assertive in demanding an ultrasound picture.”
“My first miscarriage happened before I even had my first prenatal appointment, around 6/7 weeks. I hadn't really told anyone at that point. My parents knew and a couple close friends. I didn't talk about it and tried to go on as normal. My husband (at least on the outside) treated it as though it wasn't a big deal and we would just try again. He was able to easily go on as normal, but I felt a sense of loss and sadness that I couldn't understand and at the time I didn't feel was warranted. Shortly after, we became pregnant again. We saw the baby and heard the heartbeat at our first prenatal appointment, which was early due to our previous experience. However, when we went back a few weeks later, there was no heartbeat. My heart was completely broken and after this loss, I opened up to the few friends that knew our story, and talked about my experience. I began to connect with friends of friends who had been through similar experiences."
"Talking about it helped and still helps. Writing about our babies now is bittersweet. I like to remember them. When I think about our angels now, I picture them in Heaven being rocked by their great grandparents.”
“I think about the baby I miscarried everyday! He or she would have just turned 8. I also think about my rainbow baby too! He turned 7 on Monday. I wouldn't have him had my other baby not miscarried. It is very bittersweet for me to think about. Still brings tears to my eyes to this day.”
“I think that women connect a lot more with the baby during pregnancy than men do. Since the baby is in your own body, you experience both physical and emotional pain at the loss of a pregnancy. Since women are the ones having physical symptoms of pregnancy, I think it feels more real for a woman in many cases. I believe my husband felt more sad for me and the pain that I was in at the time.”
TO THE NEWLY GRIEVING COUPLE
“I always tell people to give themselves time. Grief cry be sad. It's real It's as real as anyone they know. The excitement of knowing you are pregnant and then not is like having a rug pulled out. Very empty feeling.”
“You are not alone. Ride the waves of grief...honor your baby in some way, a tree, jewelry or other keepsake to help you remember. Talk about it.”
“It's okay to not be okay. Give yourself permission to feel all the feels. Be angry, bitter, sad, etc. Society wants to make it into not a very big deal. They will tell you it's common, that one in eight pregnancies ends in miscarriage, but it's your baby and your life and you are allowed to be sad. Give yourself time to heal and be kind to yourself.”
“I would say there's no right response to this event happening in your life and everyone reacts differently. I would say that it's ok if you both have very different responses and to allow the other to grieve in their own way. I would also say to the husband to give extra grace to your wife because this can cause erratic mood swings, irrational fears, anxiety/depression, etc.”
“You will get through it. Right now it sucks, let the tears flow if you need to, scream, write a letter to your baby, pray on your knees crying to God whatever you need to do. But I can promise you with each passing day you will get stronger and you will get through this. The memory of your child will never leave you and the emotional pain will be there but, you will get through it.”