Grief & Music...

“There are times

When I look above

And beyond

There are times when I feel your love

Around me baby…”

Janet Jackson’s 1997 hit Together Again gets me moving every time. Picture me twirling around in my kitchen belting these lyrics out into a spoon...okay, actually maybe don’t, but do see if you can think of a song that bounces right into your bones every time you hear it. 

Music is such a powerful presence in our lives, and can be tailored moment by moment to meet us right where we are no matter how we’re feeling. There is a song to fit every mood, to enhance every experience, to soothe a soul of any age. Music preferences are such a personal, individual thing, and yet music is also something that we yearn to share together. Remember painstakingly creating mixtapes or playlists for friends and loved ones? Can you channel the sense of deep connection that comes from screaming along to the chorus with 1,000 other strangers at a concert? When something plugs directly into our soul in the way that music can, we want others to feel it too. It is a melodious and magical way of saying “see me; know exactly how I’m feeling right now.”

In grief, music is there with us during times that we may otherwise feel alone. Songs can create the perfect somber backdrop for a good cry, or provide the uptempo motivation we need to break through on a difficult day. There are songs that remind us so much of a loved one that we might not even be able to bear listening to it after their death. Or maybe instead we can’t bear to turn it off, feeling like as long as that melody fills the air their love is close by. 

At A Haven, we hope that you are able to use music as a tool for comfort and healing. We wish for you that any songs that bring you comfort and joy always will, and that the ones that hurt to hear will someday feel easier to listen to. 

What are some of your go to songs for when you’re missing loved ones? Here are some of the constants on our playlist for grievers...consider it our mixtape to you. 

Together Again - Janet Jackson

You Are My Sunshine - Norman Blake

Angel from Montgomery - Bonnie Raitt

Somewhere Over the Rainbow - Israel Kamakawiwo’ole

Home - Phillip Phillips

Keep Me In Your Heart - Warren Zevon

One Sweet Day - Mariah Carey, Boyz II Men

Good Day Coming On (Sharon’s Song) - Dan May

Only One - Kanye West, Paul McCartney 

Brave - Sarah Bareilles

Fire and Rain - James Taylor

Lullabye - Billy Joel

Wouldn’t It Be Nice - The Beach Boys

When She Loved Me - Sarah McLachlan

Written by: Kate Lannan, Community Services Director