Dear Loved One...

It’s tough to get going on a Monday. It’s tough to get going when it’s raining. I have school groups today, and when my alarm went off this morning, it was tough to get out of bed until I remembered what we’ll be doing in group. Today, the teens I work with will spend their time writing a letter to their loved one who has died. They will write to tell their Moms, their Dads, their grandparents, cousins, or best friends that one last thing they never got to say. They’ll write to update them on all that they’re doing now that that person won’t get to see. They’ll write to let them know that they’re okay. Or maybe that they’re not.  

I remembered that that’s what we were doing today and it got me up and out of bed in the dark on a gray and rainy Monday. Because of our generous supporters, A Haven is able to be present for students of all ages in Chester County schools. And I can’t tell you how much of a privilege it is to be able to sit here with these teens as they pour their hearts onto their pages. The courage that they bring to each session is nothing short of incredible. They walk through each day carrying their grief, carrying the pain of feeling like nobody sees what they are going through, but when their alarm goes off they get out of bed and show up anyway. And when we gather together in session, they show up big time. They listen and relate to each other, they work hard to make each other laugh or smile, and when it’s needed they sit amongst each other in silence and witness the pain that they are each so familiar with. And then they get up and go back to class.  

After writing their letters today, one student shared with the group that they had really struggled to start their letter, but once they got going the words just flowed. That sentiment is so familiar and applicable to much of what we experience in life. It can be so hard to get started with something difficult, but so often once we start, the momentum carries us through to unexpected and beautiful moments.  

At A Haven, we know how powerful it can be for families to open up to each other about what they’re experiencing. It can feel so hard to talk to your children about what you’re going through, or to have to hear about the pain they’re carrying. It can be so hard to find the time and energy to think about those we have lost and what we miss about them. To think about what we would want them to know.  

Challenge yourself to fight against that hesitation, and make a time talk to your kids about their loved ones who have died. Maybe you will all even decide to write a letter together or to start a family ritual of remembrance. It will be hard to get started, but we think you’ll be warmed and inspired by the flow.  

Written by:

Kate Lannan, MSW, LSW

Community Services Director