Behind the Numbers - Children's Grief Awareness Day
Today is an important day for us here at A Haven, it is National Children’s Grief Awareness Day. This is a chance to call attention to what drives us every day - the fact that a significant number of children will be impacted by a death before graduating high school, facing a tremendous amount of stress and adversity as a result. These bereavement experiences are life altering, and with access to support and coping tools, children can build resilience and empathy. Without it, the work of healthily integrating grief into their life is both isolating and difficult and can result in challenges that persist through adulthood.
And so today, one week from Thanksgiving in a year that has bombarded us all with challenges, we find there is still much to be grateful for. We are grateful to be able to bring awareness to childhood grief, for the children and families that allow us into their lives, and for our partners in this work. Judi’s House is a family grief center in the metro Denver that does the phenomenal work of researching and publishing the Childhood Bereavement Estimation Model (CBEM). We turn towards their work often and see the immense value in their ability to quantify how significant a public health issue childhood bereavement really is - let’s take a quick look at their findings.
Nationally, 1 in 14 children will experience the death of a parent or sibling before the age of 18. Pennsylvania is slightly above that national average, with 1 in 12 children impacted. When we expand out to include other types of caregivers, family members, friends, and other influential people that number grows to 1 in 5. Simply put, this is a lot of children. These are children and families that we all know.
To us at A Haven, those numbers mean so much. They reflect:
1 child without a goal keeper for backyard soccer (14 year old participant).
1 more without a James Brown dance party partner (17 year old participant).
1 more who misses a baby sibling blowing raspberries on the kitchen floor (17 year old participant).
1 more longing to learn more of Grandmom’s cooking secrets (16 year old participant).
1 more without Dad finishing everyone’s scraps at the dinner table (11 year old participant).
These are real children with pain and longing that will last a lifetime. With support, they can learn that they are not alone, that they can cope in their own way, that they can talk about their person, that they can be happy and still miss the person they lost. We can walk alongside them as they learn to integrate their pain into their story and to thrive because of, not in spite of, their grief experience.
We have spent the past week on social media highlighting photos and memories from people who were a part of the 1 in 5 as children. We did this to honor their stories and to drive home the point that childhood grief is not a far off issue - this is something that impacts people you know. People in your circle who you love and care about. Because we are culturally squeamish about grief, you may not even be aware of their grief stories. You Know The 1 In 5. We cannot do this work alone. Maybe you were not aware of the impact of childhood grief before, but now today, on National Children’s Grief Awareness Day, you are. You can help us in this work by volunteering in support of these inspiring families, raising awareness by talking with friends and family about A Haven’s work, or by donating to A Haven to ensure that we are able to continue holding space for any who find their way to us.
With love for the 1 in 5,
A Haven
Written by Kate Lannan, Community Services Director